This is the first of a series I’m putting up over the next few weeks (I hope) in attempts to provide a fair and balanced update of what I’ve been up to over the past several months.
The thing is, social media platforms will have you thinking that everyone’s having the best day ever. The legs-selfies at the pool. Check-ins at the Eiffel Tower. Status updates or tweets about new job announcements. You know what I’m talking about. So what’s the deal? Are we all just coy or more simply blatant braggers? Are we competing for a record number of “likes”? Trying to make our frenemies jealous of and obsessed with us? Trying to convince ourselves that we’re worthy of obsessing over?
There are lots of complicated reasons why people make public the best and most envy-evoking details of their lives. For one, we would obviously rather be remembered for that one hot minute where we appeared to have everything all figured out, rather than all those other millions of minutes where we didn’t know what the fuck our lives were amounting to. I understand that urge, and I respect it. Why do you think the first post I made here in months was about how I’m basically a triathlete?? Ha. I mean, I get it. (You should also know that I’m still technically unemployed. Is this starting to make more sense?)
By contrast (maybe), in these next few posts I’m experimenting at painting a more nuanced and less one-dimensional version of myself to the public eye. Maybe in turn I will begin to reimagine and accept myself as such. Or maybe I’ll totally regret the online honesty. Or else fail at creating any real depth altogether.
Oh well. Here goes my first try. I GOT ENGAGED!!!!
Social media version: “Aww, look at us! Aren’t we just the cutest? Doesn’t our love just top them all? Don’t you want to be us and have a public proposal just like us?”
More balanced version: Yes, this was a day that I will always remember. Was I expecting it? Yes, in a global sense. That actual day? NO! When it happened, my focus had been on a lot of other things going on at the time, which made the actual proposal a pretty big surprise. I love my partner, and I love that he painstakingly devised such a thoughtful and heartfelt way to propose, but in the week after we got engaged I definitely went through a stage of after-shock. I had a couple of minor anxiety attacks and breathless moments where I thought to myself, “Am I really engaged? Is this even real??” No one ever tells you about those. But does that mean I shouldn’t have said yes? For some people, maybe it does mean that, but for me, the newly-betrothed jitters were just part of the standard adjustment period to a life-changing event. It’s NORMAL to feel a bit unsure when slapping a big new title on your relationship such as ENGAGED. Even considering all the love you feel for the other person. And, once it all sunk in, I happily took on Pinterest wedding planning as a newfound time-suck and procrastination tool.
So there you have it. I’m engaged :). And the wedding is still a long time from now, so you can stop asking me about it.